Dying

Dying is not one of my favorite things to think about, yet I have been thinking about it a lot lately because of my mom being terminal with pancreatic cancer and there is no way out of it, sooner or later the end is a done deal.  Though she has done better than what they initially were thinking, that she more than likely wouldn't last the end of the year,  but here it is a year and a half later and she is still alive, and while not doing the greatest, she isn't at her worst either.

With all that, it does make one think of their own mortality and wonder about the end of life.  Especially at my age, it seems that really you're just hurtling through life towards the oblivion  and there is absolutely no stopping it.  I know I could have another 10, 20, maybe even 30 years left, or I could fall down the steps tomorrow and  hit my head and kaput!  I'm gone.  There is no way of knowing when you're going to die and God isn't in the habit of letting people  know when it's going to happen.  I do believe in Him and in Heaven and Hell and I want to go to Heaven.  That being said, I really don't want to die any time soon.  Even Mom, who says she is prepared to die because she is going to Heaven, doesn't really want to die. She says because of leaving us, but I figure it has to do with that tiny bit of doubt about the unknown, and I don't blame her. It's hard to imagine going from being alive to nothingness, (not sure if you meet God right away or wait for Him in the Rapture) though I suppose it wouldn't matter because you aren't here on earth anymore.

And truly I think even the most devout Christians (or most people in general) don't want to die, which I think is just human nature.  Because regardless, the unknown is still kind of a scary thing even if you do believe in Heaven and that you're going there.  I just hope God chalks it up to human nature and forgives you for your fears about it, knowing you do believe in Him and love Him.

Dying....not a fun thing to think about yet it invades my mind, especially late at night, like tonight, when I am up by myself, and it just circles around, with nothing to stop it, even if I try to read or watch tv to take my mind off of it.  It is just a matter of fact, even if an unknown one. Makes me wish I wasn't such a nightowl so that I wouldn't be thinking of it, or at least not as much, because I would be in bed asleep.

Dying....don't want to do this.