The Last Day of The Year

So, here we are again. Last day of another year, another year that sucked big time, another year I would really rather not repeat, another year that there is no one to kiss that I would want to kiss on this night of nights, another year of being stuck, just another year I would not want to repeat (yeah I know I already said that).

But, 2017 is another year and I guess we'll just have to see how it goes.  As far as resolutions go, I only have 2, and I will post those tomorrow.

In the mean time,

At Long Last

Last night Bob was happily chewing on his toy, minding his own bulldog business, and so I got up quietly and grabbed his sweater, hiding it from him when he glanced over at me, and then I snuck up behind him and quickly got it over his head and one paw in before he even realized what was happening. He sat there in shock and I managed to get his other paw in and as you can see, he is not happy....

But man it was worth it. lol

You Would Never Have Known...

...that it was Christmas at my house today.

Only clue could have been:

Other than that, nada.

December Pictures

When you don't have kids at home anymore, you tend to work with what you have.

First up, CaliGirl in her little elf outfit I got her. Is she adorable or what? (You can't see Bob, but he's watching it all and you can tell he is thinking he is glad this isn't him.)

Sunday the dogs were just sitting here like this, perfectly posed, so of course I had to take their picture. It was kind of funny because they just watched me walk around them taking shots of them, and they didn't move. Which was surprising but made for good pics, even if there was a lot of sun glare.

This one was my favorite:

 And then yesterday when I left work, it wasn't dark yet but we had a full moon already. The picture really doesn't do it justice to how it really looked.

More pictures to follow once I get my office decorations done. Hopefully tomorrow. It would be nice if I would do the same with my house.

Christmas Pictures And Such

Saturday I got to do something fun, and it was taking Christmas pictures of my newlywed co-worker and her husband and their Old English Bulldog, Mattis.  I had a really nice time doing it, and got some great shots of them, especially the dog.  At first he didn't seem to want to cooperate, but after a few minutes he was like this model dog and looked straight at the camera every time.  )All I could think of is my dogs would never do that, they would be all over the place. lol)  The only thing is...I haven't heard any feedback from them about it (and she isn't at work today), so it leaves me wondering if they don't like them or what, and I don't want to ask.  Maybe when she comes in tomorrow.

I  bought our dogs ugly Christmas sweaters that I am going to try and coax them into and take their pictures too. I'm not really worried about CaliGirl because she is pretty easy going, but Bob...he more than likely isn't going to take kindly to it so we'll see.  I also bought them little hats and I put one on Cali and she did not like that at all.  She kept running around trying to get it off and even running to Bob as if to say "Help me get this off!!" and Bob just backed away from her. I showed Bob his and he tried to snatch it out of my hands to chew on it. But I will get it on him. Eventually.

We finally bought Cali another pillow to put in her crate. She's had a blanket in there for a couple of weeks and has been doing fine with it, not chewing it up or anything, so we went to Wal-Mart and bought a cheap bed for her.  So far so good (then again it has only been two nights), but I meant to take it out of her crate this morning before I went to work and I forgot, so depending on how bored she is today, we'll see what that bed looks like when we get home.

I really need to think about getting the office decorated and even our house; I thought I would do our house in honor of Mom, who loved Christmas and decorating for it and always did our house when she would come to visit.  Boy do I really miss her.

Almost The End of 2016

Wow...here we are in December already. 30 more days and we'll be in a brand new year. All I can say is I hope it is better than this past year.

Just To Make It An Even Number For The Month

And that says it all.

Things To Be Thankful For #30:

I'm going to end this month the same way I began it:

I'm thankful for God, who loves US all no matter what, flaws and all, and even when we screw up big time or small, He forgives us.  God has our back.

Things To Be Thankful For #29:

Today I am thankful, as weird as it might seem, for Facebook itself. It keeps me in touch with people I might not normally stay in touch with, I get to have conversations with all kinds of people, I get to see what people are up to, and it's fun to read the different things that people post.

Things To Be Thankful For #28:

Today I am thankful for the mailman, who brings lovely things like this to my door:

Things To Be Thankful For #27:

Today I'm thankful for do-nothing days...like today. Just sitting around, drinking my coffee, reading the Sunday paper and doing the crossword puzzle, watching a couple of Flea Market Flips, listening to music and reading a book.

Things To Be Thankful For #26:

(I know...I know) Today (or yesterday as it were) I'm thankful that my son and his girlfriend took Thanksgiving dinner to Nicole since I didn't go down there.

Things To Be Thankful For #25:

Today I am thankful for cameras and being able to take pictures of everything, from people to places to food, so that you can look back on past holidays and summers and vacations, etc, bringing back all the memories that come with it, and being able to see loved ones who may not be with us anymore. I've always loved taking pictures ( as I'm sure everyone who knows me will attest to that as I usually have a camera in their faces...lol) and I enjoy looking at all my pictures, remembering.

Things To Be Thankful For #24:

Today I'm thankful that there are no rules for Thanksgiving dinner and you can have steak if you want to. Which we did.

Things To Be Thankful For #23

(I know, I know...)

Today I'm thankful for this:

My absolute favorite version of this song.

The Day After

A Letter To My Mom

Dear Mom,
Well, it's been one year ago today that you went to be with God and not one day has gone by where I haven't thought of you and wished you were still here, even though I know you are in a much, much better place and no longer in pain. It's been a long, painful year for me, and so many times I wished I could just bring you back to talk to, though of course I knew I couldn't.

I miss watching our favorite shows together, Flea Market Flip, Property Brothers,( I suppose ...HGTV in genera), along with the Food Network, Jeopardy, etc, going shopping, (not grocery shopping though, lol), having our Starbucks. I even miss those texts from you about why aren't I texting you. Funny the things one takes for granted are the things you miss the most when they aren't there anymore.

I am glad that I was there for your last few months of life, even with the things I had to do that I said I would never do. (God definitely had the last laugh there, I bet He told Moses "Did you just hear what she said she WASN'T going to do?? Boy is she in for a surprise!" and they laughed and laughed. (I like to think God has a sense of humor; He must to put up with the world the way it is.)

I have to admit I didn't think it would be this hard, but boy it has been. But on the other hand I am glad you aren't sick anymore and that you are in Heaven with our Creator. Can't get any better than that.

So just know that I miss you and I love you and you are thought of every day, and I hope to see you some day again.

I <3 span=""> you Mom.

Things To Be Thankful For #22

Well. Today is rather hard to be thankful for anything, as one year ago my mom passed away. I suppose if I'm thankful for anything, it is that at least she went to be with God in Heaven, a far much better place than Earth, and that she is no longer in pain and suffering. I'm thankful that I did have her as long as I did, and that she really was a good mom, even when she drove me crazy sometimes (and yeah I know I made her nuts too).

Things To Be Thankful For #21

(Annnd...I'm back on track!)

Today I am thankful for all of my mom's friends and her church family at Life Cathedral for all the things they did for her while she was sick; sending her cards, bringing her meals, taking her to appointments, praying for her, coming to sing to her when she was bedridden, etc. I know she appreciated all of you so much and that you made the last days of her life a little easier to get through. I thank all of you very much for how much you helped her, and me.

Things To BeThankful For #20

(Again, yes I'm late)

Today I'm thankful for writers of books. I've loved to read since I was a little kid and still love it now (below are books from the library checked out yesterday, just waiting too be read). I always tell non- readers that if they would learn to like to read, they'll never be bored. From the Bible to The Bobbsey Twins to Carol Burnett's biography, I enjoy reading them all (well, ok, don't put Shakespeare in front of me...blech...) I've always wanted to write myself and when I retire in a couple of years, I'm going to try my hand at it. In the meantime, I'm glad that there are so many authors out there.

Things To Be Thankful For #19

(Yeah, I'm late and there is no #18)


I'm thankful for pain killers!!! I finally feel better and can walk. Phew!  (Had sciatica problems for the past couple of days....ouch!!!)

Things To Be Thankful For #17

DAY SEVENTEEN:  Today I am thankful for...ummm....hmmm....ok, maybe at the moment I'm not feeling too thankful because my sciatica is killing me and making it hard to walk or sit or lay down. So we'll try this again tomorrow.

Dream House

💮  If I could have a house made to my specifications, I would love:

A pretty entry way

A really great kitchen, with an island, lots of counter and storage space, and all kinds of cool kitchen doodads

A beautiful living room

A comfy family room

An elegant formal dining room

A cute, bright breakfast nook

A huge craftroom, divided into different spaces, one for scrapbooking, one for jewelry making, one for sewing, and one for miscellaneous

A nice office (though, I could include that in the craftroom)

A room for the gym equipment (well, if the room looked good, I might actually use the stuff. lol)

A cozy master bedroom, with a little sitting area with a nice chair and a tv

A spa-like master bath, with a lot of counter space and vanity, a big shower with shower nozzles everywhere, heated towel racks, and absolutely no bathtub

A couple of inviting guest rooms

A gorgeous front and back yard, replete with gardens

A wonderfully shaped pool with a couple of waterfalls, a slide, and spa


Not like I want much, right? 

Things To Be Thankful For #16

 Today I am thankful for a person who has been in my life since I was 16 years old and has truly been like a dad to me, and that is my father-in-law (well, not legally anymore), Derold Thornton. From the moment I met him, he just accepted me right off the bat and  when Ed and I got married and he thought we were too young, he still accepted it and helped us out as much as possible.  And even when we divorced, he still helped me out with all kinds of things, even picking me up at LAX at 2am ( and he lived in Ontario!)  when I was stranded. No girl could ever ask for a better father-in-law than him. Even to this day, he will call and let us know when he will be in NC so we can see him and Jean, and they both make it a point to have gone to all the grandkids and great grandkids graduations. Derold is all about family and I appreciate that so much about him. Thank you for being in my life still.

Things To Be Thankful For #15

 Today I am thankful for my pets: RabbitButt (my Calico kitty), Spot (my killer cat),  CaliGirl, and Bob-the-Bulldog. I mean look at those sweet faces. :-)  Each has their own distinct personality but love me no matter what and are always there to hug on or give me kisses. Love my puppies and kitties.

Things To Be Thankful for #14

(Yeah I'm still a day behind.)


Today I am thankful for chocolate. Because, well, I just really love chocolate...it's there for me when I'm happy, when I'm sad, when I'm whatever. Never a bad time for chocolate. Except when you're trying to diet...then maybe not so good a time. But still. I love chocolate.

Things To Be Thankful For #13

(This should have been posted yesterday. Ooops.)


Today I'm thankful for whoever invented the heater; last night it went down to 27 degrees and I finally turned the heat on ( I've been holding off ( and we've been down in the 30s a few nights) because while I like being warm, I don't like the electric bill that goes with it. Lol). So whoever invented it, kudos. I do like being toasty.

Things To Be Thankful For #12

Today I am thankful for music.  I love music and listen to it every day and I think I would be lost if I had to never hear any again.  Music can make you happy or sad and has the ability to take you back to another place and time in your life. My favorite music is 70s pop and rock and country, and I will forever be a 70s girl.  And I will never be able to listen to "I'll Fly Away" or "How Great Thou Art" with out thinking of my mom. Happy and sad.

Things To Be Thankful For #11

Today I am thankful for artists and the craftshows where they can display their awesome talents at by creating all kinds of different things, whether its making jewlery or baking raspberry bread or painting Christmas tree ornaments or knitting lovely scarves. I'd love to be as talented, but I think that gene passed me by. But here's to artists and their crafts; keep on creating these wonderful things for us to buy.

Things To Be Thankful For #10

Today I am thankful for the Marine Corps and the time I spent in it (and still spend time in it considering I work on a Marine Corps base even now). There were times I loved it and a few times not so much, but it helped make me who I am and though I didn't join it for any noble reason like some, I am still proud to have been a part of it. Happy 241st Birthday Marines!! OOH-RAH!!

A New President

This morning we have a new president, Donald Trump. I have to say I was pretty surprised that he was actually elected because I was sure Hillary Clinton would get it.  However, I'm glad she was not elected because first and foremost I am a Republican (a liberal conservative one), and secondly I do not like her or what she stands for. 

When I hear people talk about Trump being a sexist and womanizing, etc, I don't understand why they don't see that Hillary is married to the exact same kind of man and was almost impeached because of it.  It rather boggles my mind with that.  Last week we watched a documentary about her  and a lot of the things that were brought out reminded me so much of House of Cards and how much like the Underwoods the Clintons are. 

Now when it comes to Trump, I do like and agree with a lot of the things he says.  But then again there were quite a few things that he says that I don't like.  It's like his mouth overloads his brain and then he says stupid stuff and it makes me cringe inside.  Sometimes I agree with not having to be so politically correct but other times, yeah you should be.

So now the Democrats are throwing their tantrums and destroying things and calling Republicans every name in the book.  And of course the favorite names are there: bigot, racist, and sexist. Just like if you don't like Obama (and I do NOT), you're automatically a racist.  So apparently you aren't allowed to just genuinely not like someone and what they stand for, at least according to the dems.  I find it interesting that for being so liberal, they hate it when you don't agree with them and resort to calling names.  They have been the ones who have caused more damage than the Republicans.

All that being said,  I wish that both candidates would have been dumped and we start all over again with brand new ones. Of course the down side to that is Obama would be president longer and we sure as heck don't need that! But what's done is done and I do like this outcome better than I would have the other.

So here's to you President Trump and I wish you the best.

Things To Be Thankful For #9

Today I am thankful that we do NOT have Hillary Clinton as president. Would I have chosen Donald Trump? Not particularly though I did like a lot of things he said.  But I think both candidates should have been dumped and we start all over again, but since that couldn't happen, well, here we are. And I am okay with it.

Things To Be Thankful For #8

I'm thankful that I have my health (well, as far as I know anyway and avoiding doctors helps...lol) and that I can see (glasses are great for that), And that I can hear ( sometimes too well). Things we take for granted but I do appreciate them.

Things To Be Thankful For #7

I'm thankful for God bringing Nicole back to us after her accident. The doctors said she would never, EVER come out of the vegetative state, yet 9 months later, she did. Not perfectly but in a way that taught us lessons. No one will ever convince me that God didn't have something to do with that.

Things To Be Thankful For #6

I'm thankful that I have a job and make my own money.

Things To Be Thankful For #5

 I'm thankful for my really great friends, Vanessa Thompson, Janie Genet, Tonda Cave, Teresa Meyer, and Vickie, who are always there for me when I need them, putting up with my nuttiness and crazy antics, my love for Starbucks, and helping me through the bad times, especially the past couple of years. I love you ladies more than I can say. Thank you for being my friend.

Things To Be Thankful For #4

I'm thankful for Starbucks.

Things to Be Thankful For #3

I'm thankful that I was allowed to telework last year at this time so that I could take care of Mom in her last 3 months of life. Even though nursing is not my forte (and boy is that an understatement!!), I'm glad I was there to do it and that she wasn't alone.

Things To Be Thankful For #2

I'm thankful for my kids and my grandkids, all who I love very much. They've brought love and joy and heartbreak to my life but I wouldn't trade them for anything.

Things To Be Thankful For #1

I'm thankful for God, who loves me no matter what, my flaws and all, and even when I screw up, big or small, He forgives me.

A Few of My Favorite Things

On my day off: Do a little shopping, get some Starbucks and hang out in Books-A-Million and read and buy a book or two

Clothing Store: DressBarn

Store in general: Target

TV shows: The Middle, The Goldberg's, Flea Market Flip

Dinner: Bbq Steak w/Yum Yum sauce, garlic pepper fries, grilled corn-on- the-con

Accessories: Earrings and sunglasses

Car: 70s El Camino

Mascara: Maybelline Great Lash

Starbucks drink: Iced-quad-venti-in-and-out caramel macchiato

Color: Yellow

Pet Peeves

Jewelry that doesn't go with what you are wearing (which is how this post was thought of).  Today I saw this woman in a turquoise, orange, black, gold, and brown top, and she was wearing black and purple earrings. Um, no.  Really.  I don't know what mirror she looked in and thought it all looked great together, but it didn't.

Making dinner.  Yeah, seriously.

I95 traffic.

People that think the world revolves around their brats.

That some people just don't get it.

People who don't know how to spell "lose".  Makes me crazy when I see them spell it l-o-o-s-e. Grrr.

Not losing weight. (Notice I spelled "losing" correctly.)

Having a sweet tooth.

Not getting a good night's sleep (though, last night, I actually did! Boy was I surprised.)

I Want To:

Retire
Be thinner
Write a book or two (or five...)
Live in California
Travel
Go on an adventure
Own a house of my own
Have a really great kitchen
Be a photographer
Sleep for an actual 8 hours
Be happy
Be in love
Finally be with "him"

Do Not Forget!!

Whenever I feel myself start to weaken, I need to go to my messages on FB and reread those emails.

It would be so easy to stay but remember those emails.

Know that is it once again some kind of manipulation, reread those emails.

It's a brand new game for him...reread those emails.

Do not forget those emails!!!

Six Months To Sixty, Etc

Six months from today I am going to be 60 years old.  I made a vow (well, sort of) that I was going to change my life and start anew.  I still want to, and who knows, it may happen, but when you have a job and need the money, etc, it isn't always quite that easy. Unless I am able to find a job in Fresno between now and then, I don't see my life changing until I'm 62 and can retire and get social security along with my retirement and money from H. 

Obviously a lot of things can happen between now and then, and who's to say I will even make it to 62.  Hopefully I will, but you never know.  And then of course there is always that caveat that when one makes plans, God laughs and laughs, because in the end, He is the one who has your master plan in hand and it may not agree with what you wanted, so you can only hope that it does work out. 

So in the meantime, I do have a plan (God willing) for at least when I am 62, though I am hopeful that it could happen before then.  ***fingers crossed***

In other news...I took myself off Zoloft after taking it for only a couple of days.  Even though I take it at 6am, it causes insomnia and I have restless leg syndrome and the Zoloft really exacerbates it big time.  I can't be awake until 3am every night and then have to get up a couple of hours later for work. So Zoloft is a no-go.  And I don't want to take sleeping pills either.  I guess we're back to square one here.

CaliGirl is in heat and trying to keep Bob-the-Bulldog off of her is no small feat! Geez I can't wait till it stops.  We tried putting doggy diapers on her but she wasn't having that at all.  She was yelping and acting like it would hurt to put them on so we finally gave up.  And she is spending a lot more time in her pen.

Went to IKEA yesterday and it gave me ideas about Mom's house.  I do wish Fresno had an IKEA, but the they don't and the closest one is in Sacramento I think.  But once I'm living there I just may take a trip up there. A couple (or three) of ideas:

After IKEA we went to On The Border for Mexican food and I had this really good drink called the Citrus Cosmo.  It was like really boozy lemonade but sooo yummy!!

Then it was home and in bed by 10. With plenty of insomnia. Oh what fun.



Let's Just Hope They Help

So yesterday I went to the VA for med refills but I also finally asked for an antidepressant, just something to take the edge off as I know it isn't going to be the be-all, cure-all. So my doctor prescribed me a low dose of Zoloft and we will go from there, along with counseling.  I agreed to the counseling and who knows, maybe it will help, though what's happened has happened and there is no getting over it.  And as weird as it seems, I just don't feel anything about it right now, or about him. Maybe they'll help with that too, except do I really want to just feel anger/sadness/disappointment/etc/etc all the time about it? I think I'd rather just not think about it at all.  Of course that may not be healthy in the long run either, so I don't know.


Anyway, the doctor said it should take about a week or so for the Zoloft to really kick in and hopefully make me feel better, and if not then they can tweak the dose upwards. I don't mind it at all  but boy I do hope it doesn't make me gain any weight because I sure don't need do that.


All I know is I just want to feel better...and I hope it is possible. We'll see.

The Birthday Without Her

Today is my mom's 81st birthday and she isn't here to celebrate it. The day was a lot harder than I thought it would be and I was pretty sad all day,  and really missed her.  And I couldn't help but think of her last year and how happy and surprised she was about the surprise birthday party Aunt Lee and I gave her.

I Do

Blog Posts

The other day I was perusing other blogs and here are some of the things I read about:

Someone being pregnant and drinking beet juice (blech!!!)

A blog post dated November 2, 2016...how did that happen when it is only October? Can we post in the future now?

Wiki  says that your brain is closer to your right ear so answer you phone with your left (seriously?) to prevent radiation to the brain

One noted that we all have one common denominator, which is our brain, and how that one things makes us all incredibly different from each other. Which is true.

One blog had nothing but Looney Tunes cartoons on it. All righty then.

Then there was the blog that had a bunch of pigs (yep, actual pigs) and piglets on it

Something about a lost baby

And flowers blooming in the Fall.


Interesting what others write about. Some rather interesting, some rather weird, some on the boring side. I wonder what people think of mine when they read them. If they read them that is.

So Many

So many truths that I will never know because I don't think he does either anymore.

No Matter What

Even though I have loved others, my heart has always belonged to you and always will.

Nothing At All

I look at you and feel nothing; not sadness, not anger, not pity, just... nothing, like you were a stranger to me.

And that says it all.

You Just Can't

You can't make up for what you haven't even ever felt in the first place.

So Many Questions

With absolutely no answers.

You Should Know...

 ...I'm not sorry.

The Darkness In My Soul

I am pretty much forcing myself to write right now as I am very depressed.

It's been almost a year since my mom's 80th birthday.

I feel like I don't belong anywhere.

I feel like my life is just one big great black hole.

Why do people do the things they do that hurt others and they don't even give a crap.

I miss my mom.

I miss a lot of things. And they'll never happen or be again.

Somehow I have to pick myself up and get over this.

Life really sucks right now.

The End...

...of my marriage.

Because I Need To Keep Reminding Myself

And I'm Here

So I made it to California again. Slept pretty much all the way since my flight went from DC to Phoenix which was really nice for a change. Got here around 11:45 and Janie met me at the airport and we picked up the rental car and my luggage and then on to Mom's (well, my house now. Janie told me I need to start calling it mine but that's easier said than done. )

Anyway, came in and turned on the AC and chatted a little, and then the cops showed up at the mobile next door.  I know they used to be meth heads and looks like maybe they still are?  We left to go do some last minute shopping so I don't know what happened with it all. Mom would have found it interesting I know.

We went to Kohls and Target for some stuff I needed, and then afterwards we went to the Peruvian restaurant Limon and had a bunch of appetizers and then a passion fruit crème brulee for dessert. The apps were really good but the brulee was amazing. Yum!! I have pics but only on my phone so I can't post them yet.

Before we went back here, we stopped at Michaels and bought coloring books and pens to take with us on our trip for when we have down time in the evening. And finally we came home and talked a bit because I wasn't really ready to be by myself yet here, but I did have her leave as it was getting dark. I took a shower and got pretty much everything ready to go for tomorrow and after church I'll just come back and change and grab my stuff and on to pick up Janie.

So now here I sit, everything is very quiet and still, and I can feel Mom, or rather the very lack of her. Night times here are very hard for me by myself; I think maybe if I had a tv it would at least distract me from the very quietness of and the lack of talking to Mom. I miss her so much and want her to come back and I know that can't happen. I honestly never thought it was going to be this hard on me. (I have to wonder how she handled moving into here after her dad and mom's deaths since they lived here until they died.)

Even after she was diagnosed and I knew it was a death sentence, I didn't think about her dying. I didn't want to. Oh sometimes we talked about it, but for the most part I didn't think about the actuality of it....like if I didn't, it would not happen. But of course deep down I knew it would and God did give us more time than the doctors ever thought, so there is that.

I guess I should just go to bed...though I'm betting the minute I lay down my brain will be wide-awake.

Mom, I miss you.

September (Already!) Thoughts

First of all, I can't believe it is already September.

And I knew it for sure when this morning I received this email:

Guess where I will be headed to at lunch?

In two days I will be in California, and then on to Seattle, Washington, and then down to Vegas. Hopefully it will be a great trip. Hopefully I will win lots of money in Las Vegas.

I kind of miss school shopping this year.

I am looking forward to fall and all the colors and cooler weather and fall food (i.e., chili, stews, soups, etc).

I miss my mom.

I miss my grandkids.

Funny the older you get, the faster the years seem to slide by.

I'm ready for change.

Summer Is Over

Good-bye August.

First Summer of....

...being without my mom

...being without my grandkids

...not going to California

...not getting a tan

...working the whole time
...not buying school clothes and supplies

Two Years Ago On Facebook

Just because. I miss that boy.

Monday's Pictures

Even though it is our 22nd anniversary today, we went to dinner at The Melting Pot Saturday evening for an anniversary dinner.

All the money we spent and we still had to cook it ourselves.

The best part though was the chocolate fondue part:

Hector got a chocolate martini too:

And then we got free chocolate-covered strawberries:

All in all it was a pretty nice and yummy evening.

Dislikes

Liars

Beets

"Him"

Cooking

Having to walk to and from the parking lot at work when it is really, really cold

Virginia traffic (I95, anyone?)

When baristas make my caramel macchiato incorrectly

The "f" word

The "anything goes" mentality that is so prevalent today

I Couldn't Resist

Does she look happy or what? Not. lol

Things To Smile About

1) My iced-venti-quad-upside-down-in-and-out caramel macchiato every morning
2) CaliGirl and Bob
3) "Mommy-and-me" time with Rabbit
4) Sangria
5) Godiva chocolate (ok, almost any chocolate really)
6) Scrapbooking stuff (even though I don't use it...but I do still love buying it for "someday")
7) My grandkids (well, they use to make me smile)
8) Memories from the 70s
9) Looking at old pictures
10) 70s music

Monday Pictures

Every time Bob starts chewing on this, CaliGirl just has to come over and try and get it away from him. Never mind that we have two of these (granted, they are different flavors, one bacon and one peanut butter and they both seem to like this peanut butter one the best):

Saturday I picked these from my little garden:

For dinner that evening, I used some of the tomatoes on Hector's Caesar Salad with scallops:

I bought this coloring book and then finally some pens to color with:

Last but not least, some bird pictures from yesterday evening. We had hung up a hummingbird feeder and a niger-seed sock for the goldfinch next to each other and it was surprising how many birds we get at them:

Responsiblity

I was thinking earlier today of a conversation I had with my grandson a few months ago about how you are only responsible for your own happiness and no one else's, and from the look he gave, I knew he didn't think the same.

But if, in fact, we are responsible for someone's happiness, isn't that a dangerous thing?  Because what if we decide down the road that we do not want to be their friend/lover/spouse anymore?  And what if they don't see it that way? What if they then do something stupid, like start drinking or doing drugs, or even hurt someone, or worse, kill someone or themselves?  Does that make us responsible for the things they did because we didn't love them anymore?

I am of the firm belief that we are responsible for ourselves, and only our selves. (This, of course, is not including your children or aging parents, etc, in that genre.)  But my actions are my own, and I am responsible for them; for what I say, for what I do, for where I go, for how I act. If I happen to make someone happy, then that's great. People have made me happy in my life, but they didn't have to and it wasn't their responsibility. And if they have made me sad, and there have been some, some they were responsible for by hurting me deliberately, and some it was just my own fault for believing something I wanted to believe.

By the same token, you can be responsible for someone's pain if you did it in a deliberate way, and you should own up to it.  But I don't think not loving someone, even if they love you, is not.  It's just one of those sad facts of life unfortunately.

So then I was thinking, does this make us responsible for our own destiny? Part of me says yes, but then part of me says no, because things can happen that are beyond our control. But then it is up to us to change it and make lemonade out of the lemons handed to us.

A lot of times responsibility can kinda suck.  Having to make decisions that you might not want to make, having to go to work and make money to live day-to-day, even just trying to eat right.

Sometimes though I just get tired of being responsible...I want to be wild and free and do what I want to do without a second thought. But I guess this is what I get for being almost 60.

Definitely Me!

My Favorite Part of The Day

I finally ordered caramel sauce from Starbucks and have been making my own iced caramel macchiatos and I have to say, they're pretty darn good (and I have pictures to prove it (Anything to be able to post pictures. lol)

Now doesn't that look good enough to drink? Man I can't wait till morning...