Because I Like Even Numbers

This probably sounds a little OCD, which I am really pretty much not, but I do like even numbers and I hate leaving things on odd numbers. So.  Even though this is going to leave February blog posts at an odd number, it will even up the overall and then I can make sure I have even posts in the forthcoming months.  Yeah I know it's nuts.  But I like even numbers. 

"How Great Thou Art"

This morning when I went on Facebook there was a video of Mom's friend Evie singing "How Great Thou Art" from their church service last night.  I have to say it brought tears to my eyes, just as it did when they sang it at Mom's service.  It always brought tears to my eyes when I hear it anyway, but it now brings special meaning to me and especially when it is by the person who sang it for Mom at my request.  I just wish  that the recording was the whole song and not just part of it.  And I really kick myself for not recording their singing  of that song and "I'll Fly Away" during the memorial service because I know I would listen to it often.  Hindsight is always 20/20.


I know they have a lot of nice Christian songs that are modern but I have to admit to still liking the old classics, like "How Great Thou Art" and "The Old Rugged Cross" and "Like a Tree Still Standing by the Water" (that was always a favorite of mine).  Bottom line is I am really just an old-fashioned girl and probably always will be. 


And I really miss my mom.

Friday Randomness

1) Today's commute: 35 minutes...including stop at Starbucks. smile emoticon
2) CaliGirl is getting her stitches out today
3) I miss having Mondays off instead of Fridays (especially when I'm working on my day off)
4) I wish Vanessa or Janie or Teresa or Tonda would come over tonight...I am going to have the house to myself because Hector has a sleep study in Richmond and Sean Michael is going out with his Schmoopette
5) Finally thinking I am going to get some things done aro...und the house this weekend that have needed doing since I've been home but just haven't been well enough
6) Going to make a peanut butter chocolate mousse pie Sunday
7) I miss Fresno
8) I miss Life Cathedral's services and the ladies there who were Mom's friends but have been so supportive for me (Beverly and Evie and Teresa...thank you all)
9) I miss you Nicole and Beau and Kyla
10) I'll fly away oh glory....

Feeling Better

After being sick for over two weeks, I am finally feeling better today and am even at work after being out for a week.  I haven't had an episode like this for so long and I hope I don't have to repeat it because it sucks.  And going to the doctor and then the ER made me feel like a hypochondriac because they said it was just viral and my EKG and CT scan were clear. But it takes almost an act of God to even get me to a doctor so I know it was real and I couldn't breathe, which is why I went.  I know doctors think they know everything but sometimes a person knows their own body better, especially when it has happened before and you know what works to fix it.


But today I think I am on the road to recovery and have been able to breathe much better (at work? Wow.) I'm still not overexerting myself though yet because I don't want to take a chance of it coming right back, and so at work I have been pretty still. I'm just hoping when I go home it doesn't all close up and not be able to breathe again. 


In the meantime though I feel okay, thanks to meds and to God, who I do believe can and does heal.  Thank you God.

Sick of Being Sick

Last Monday I went home from work aching all over and with a fever (which of course I didn't discover until I got home) and went right to bed.  Tuesday I didn't feel much better so I stayed home and on Wednesday went to an appointment at the VA, still not feeling all that great. The doctor said it was a viral thing and just has to run the course. Ugh.


Because then it went into my nose and my nose was stuffy as all get out for the next three days, which of course made me nuts.  On Saturday it traveled to the lungs, giving me a cough that sounds like I'm a 2-pack a day smoker.  And today it's still in the lungs, and making it a little hard to breathe.   I haven't been sick like this in years so maybe I was due, but geez!! I hate being sick and I really hate not being able to breathe, whether out of my nose or trying to catch a breath.


And yes I've taken meds, Mucinex and cough syrup and cold medicine...all to no avail.


This is not fun. 


Boy I hope this time next week I feel better. At least breathe anyway.

Disorganized

Since I have been home from California, I just can't seem to get myself organized and do things around the house that I see needs to be done. I do see it, and I do think about it, and I do know it needs to be done. But I can't bring myself to do it.


1) I need to get my winter clothes out.
2) I need to switch my summer shoes out with my winter shoes
3) I need to organize the dining room and put things away
4) I need to organize the book shelves in the living room and put stuff in the bathroom cabinet I bought
5) I need to clean up and organize my craftroom
6) I need to go through the cupboards in the kitchen and see what's what


There are probably more things to do but at the moment not sure what they are. There just seems to be a block to my brain to get these things done, and as the first two on my list make it harder to get dressed in the morning for work, you would think I would get on those. But I don't. 


I'm hoping this weekend I can get my mind to work and do them.


Mom's death took a lot out of me...more than I thought it would.

No Truer Words

I can certainly relate to this after this past weekend. 

Randomly Yours

1)  These past few days have been rough. I've had allergies out the kazoo and my nose has been so stuffy and Friday night I had pretty much a full blown panic/anxiety attack with it. My chest felt like someone was sitting on it and I felt like crying and I was pacing back and forth inside the house and outside the house. And then I prayed....and felt much calmer and could breathe out of my nose somewhat.  Thank you God.

2)  I was looking at jobs on USA Jobs and the Fresno VA had one open for Release-of-Information, a job I did for a couple of years at Camp Lejeune.  I really wanted to put in my resume for it but I know I can't do anything until Sean Michael graduates in June.

3)  I need a change.  I don't want to be married anymore and I want to be on my own. I know it won't be easy but I need a new life. 

4)  Had an eye appointment today for new glasses.  My eyesight really hasn't changed since the last time (a year and a half ago), but I have the start of cataracts. That's kind of a bummer. I forgot to ask how long they take to form...I guess I better google it.

5)  Sean Michael has a girlfriend and I don't know how I feel about her.  I think I am more worried about him getting his heart broken again so I feel guarded.

6)  Going to spend the weekend with Vickie. Can't wait to see her.

7)  Next weekend going to go see Tonda.  Can't wait to see her too.

8)  My heart and mind is in California.  Don't want to be here in Virginia anymore.

9)  It is surprising to me that I miss my mom as much as I do but I do.  I think about her every day. 

10)  I wonder why I still wish for something that I can't have.