Saying Goodbye

I was just reading an article about  Patti Duke dying and how she had her family around her, and whenever I read things like this it makes me feel bad because my mom was by herself, albeit with me in the house, when she died.  That Sunday morning I knew it was different; she didn't move at all but was still breathing, and people came over and prayed with her and I think said their goodbyes, but I didn't sit in there all day and sometimes I think maybe I should have, because I knew the end was near.  I know I had no way of knowing when she would die, but still part of me feels guilty because I didn't want her to die alone, even though she never woke that I could tell so that she would even know she was by herself in her room.  I try not to beat myself up over it, but when I read things like this and how people sit vigil over someone, well, it is a little difficult not to feel a pang of guilt that I am just not that kind of person to do that. 


I just hope Mom (and God) forgive me for it.

Facebook

I think we all have these kinds of posts posted to our Facebook by people we know:

Although I don't usually block them, I just kind of scroll past them.  But you would think that they would post something happy for a change, not just all the sad crap stuff. But no, they do not. At least the ones on my Facebook. Personally I wouldn't want people feeling sorry for me all the time, or wondering what the heck is wrong with me that I would keep posting stuff like that (well maybe they wonder that anyway when I post goofy stuff, which is what I pretty much normally do).  Then again maybe they do it because they want the attention and want people feeling bad for them. But that's why there is the scroll button on my mouse.

Admittedly, I have done this one a time or two. Very rarely really, but I have done it.  So I understand when people might do it, as long as it isn't an all the time thing: 

Now see, I honestly don't mind it when people use it this way, as I myself do sometimes if I'm traveling or if something interesting (well, that I think is interesting anyway) happens. I actually enjoy reading people's posts (most of the time anyway) and seeing into a part of their lives:



Now this I agree with, and there are a few on my Facebook page that can only seem to talk about their running and workouts and not much else.  I'd love to post this to Facebook, but...lol :



The Weekend

Since I posted about Easter yesterday, I am posting about the weekend today, when we were in NC visiting Nicole.  It ended up being a pleasant time, considering I had my doubts about Beau being around Derold and vice versa, and also having Kyla.  Everyone got along and Nicole was happy she got her torte (the one thing I forgot to take a picture of).  First stop on our drive down was of course Starbucks:

Then once we picked up Beau and Kyla in Jacksonville, we went to Wilmington and picked up Nicole and went to dinner at On The Border for Mexican food:

The next morning because we needed our (mine) caffeine:

And then on to Nicole to see family and have her birthday torte.

 Sean Michael with his aunts Samantha and Savanna and his mom:

I wish I had brought a tripod so I could have gotten into the picture but oh well....we have Nicole, Sean Michael, Savanna, Kyla, Beau, Samantha, and the great-grandparents Derold and Jean. 

Gotta love family.  We left around 4 to take Beau and Kyla back to Jville and then Sean Michael and I went on home to Virginia.  I wish we could have stayed a little longer but since I'm not off Mondays anymore I need a day to rest up from that trip, especially since I have to drive it by myself.

Next time we go down it will be for Mother's Day and work it so Hector will come too, though that means we have to bring the dogs which is the one drawback. Oh well we'll see.

Easter

Yesterday was Easter and so I went around and took some pictures of trees and flowers in bloom just because they were so pretty and don't last long like Fall does. I don't normally ever do this but yesterday I thought what better day to show God's handiwork on the day that Jesus rose to start anew.

I actually took way more pictures than this but we would have had more flower overload then (though I'm sure some would say this was way too many flowers).

And then just because I had Bob-the-Bulldog outside, I made him sit for me so I could take nice pictures of him.

Last but not least, last night Bob and CaliGirl were playing and I just thought this was funny:

Because it was Easter, I posted this on Facebook:

For You so loved this world, You gave your only begotten Son, and whosoever believeth in Him, shall not perish but You would give everlasting life.
Thank You God for that, and for Your forgiveness, Your grace, Your blessings, and most of all for Your unending love for all of us even when we don't deserve it. We can never thank You enough for all You do. We will always give You the praise and the glory.
I love You God.
...

Amen

Thoughts Here and There

Such a shame, right?  Unlike in a soap opera where they get to relive moments in their flashbacks. Too bad we can't do that in real life.

I'm going to NC tomorrow and not really sure I want to. It is for Nicole's birthday and I am picking up Beau and Kyla and then Saturday the grandparents will be there along with Nicole and Beau's sisters.  Just not sure how things are going to be, given how Beau can be a butt and who knows how Ky will be. Not to mention the 6 hour drive to and from.  I am just tired of going to NC period which I know is mean of me but I am so over it.

I swear sometimes it is one thing and another and another and another.  When can it not be?

I wish I would be offered a job in California so I could go live there.  I'm ready for a big change in my life.

I want to find a church here to go to.  I miss Life Cathedral.

One month from today I am going to be 59(!)

Even Though I Am Not A Morning Person

I do appreciate a beautiful sunrise. And this morning driving on Quantico I saw this one and knew I had to take pictures, but I also had to find a good spot to take them. Ideally there is one spot where there is a river inlet and the water reflection was pink, but unfortunately there were too many trees in my way and no where to pull over.  But I knew there was probably a spot down by the Potomac I could get to, which is where I took these, but not the reflection I really wanted that I saw on the other part.  Oh well, these still turned out really pretty.

Thirty- Eight Years Ago

I gave birth to my first child, Nicole.  I was only 20 years old and had absolutely no idea what I was doing or how to take care of a child, much less take care of myself.  I remember that I was so sure I was going to have a boy that we painted her room blue and Mom made her a blue quilt, and when I actually had her (C-sectioned) and they told me I had a girl, I asked them if they were sure.  They replied yes, and did I want to hold her.  I was rather disappointed and I said "No".  (What can I say...I wanted a boy. lol)  She went a whole week without a name because we hadn't picked one out, and finally I was watching "Edge of Night" and there was a Nicole on there so I thought, well, that's a nice name so that is what we named her.


Fast-forward to 38 years later and here we are, our lives not turning out exactly how we thought they would.  She is in a nursing home from the motorcycle accident and I can't help but blame myself (and Ed and Bob too) a little as we were not the greatest parents that we should have been.


Sometimes I think I would have been a better parent had I waited until I was older, but of course I didn't realize that until I was older.  And admittedly getting pregnant both times were accidents, which of course was my fault too.  I can't remember ever wanting kids when I was younger, unlike some women who want lots of kids and knew they did from the time they were really young. I guess I figured I would have kids, but not when, and then here they came before I knew it.


All about choices I suppose.  I love both of my kids but when I look at their lives and what has happened to them, I wish I had made better choices back then. It isn't something I dwell on, but I do regret it and wish better for them because they didn't deserve it.

I Guess I Was Wrong

It's been 6 months. I didn't think it would go that long but it has and I suppose that means it will go on from now on. I could do something about it but I won't....the answer has been clear enough.

And I Do

Thursday Musings

Sometimes I like to "blog hop", by clicking on the "Next Blog" that is on top of the page of my blogs. It feels a little like voyeurism, looking into other people's lives and seeing what they have to say about themselves and their families and their dieting, etc.  Especially the diet blogs...everyone has their own way to lose weight and some are really enthusiastic and others are just plugging along.  Makes me wonder if people scroll through and read mine once in a while.


There are so many things I want to do this weekend (which I know I have mentioned before) and I hope I can get my brain in gear and that I do at least half of them. Maybe lots of coffee will help.


Starbucks took away they butterscotch latte that they had for about a month...man oh man was it good.  Yesterday I bought a bottle of butterscotch sauce (the kind you would put on ice cream) and vanilla syrup and I am going to try and recreate it. Here's hoping!


Van is having corned beef and purple spuds (his words) for dinner in honor of it being St. Patrick's Day.  I only have some green on because it's in the top that I am wearing...not because I even pay attention to this day. And I have no idea what I'm making for dinner, am waiting for an idea from Sean Michael and Schmoopette.


This week I am working 5 8-hour days which is something I don't usually do but since A is on leave, I didn't want to leave the LCpl alone in the office tomorrow...just to find out today they gave him tomorrow off.  Go figure.  Oh well. Hopefully they will let us off early tomorrow anyway.


Poor Vanessa wrecked her SUV this week and it was totaled. She is not having a good week for sure. I wish I was there to somehow help her.


I would love to see Donald Trump win the presidency, if nothing else but to see all those liberal democrats' heads explode. (Though I do like him and would vote for him myself.)


I can't wait until it is actually warm and so I can start a garden this year.


Such an exciting life I lead.

Make-Up For Life

I never, ever, EVER have gone to work without wearing make-up.  E-V-E-R. And if I did, I would hope people would ask me what's wrong because for me not to wear make-up, there would HAVE to be something terribly horribly wrong with me, like I have Alzheimers or dementia or something.  I barely go out of my house without make-up, though sometimes I do but usually try to keep sunglasses on.


 I have worn make-up since high school and it is  just something I have always liked wearing and feel better about myself when I do.  And I can't imagine ever not wearing it...even my mom up until she died wore make-up, and so does a really good friend of hers who is in 80s. They like how it looks and makes them feel and to me shows that they care how they look.  I know there are women out there that just can't be bothered (not only with make-up but the way they look in general...messy hair and sloppy clothes) and honestly I don't get why. No I don't always look picture perfect when I leave my house but most of the time I am pretty close.


So anyway, if you ever see me at work and I'm not wearing make-up, please ask.  Because something is terrible horribly wrong.

The Weekend (Not) According to Plan

I went to Maryland on Friday to visit my friend Tonda and to go to her daughter-in-law's baby shower on Saturday. However, Friday evening,  the daughter-in-law's water broke and she was admitted to the hospital and by Saturday morning, they had their baby boy.  And the shower was cancelled. Tonda and I went to the hospital Saturday morning, not knowing the baby was born yet, just to check on them and to see how things were. Tonda was over-the-moon excited to find out she was a brand-new grandma and that everyone was okay.  I got to see the baby and oh my goodness was he tiny! Only 3 lbs and a few ounces, he looked like a little Thumbelina doll. I would have been afraid to hold him he was so small.  Hopefully everything will stay good for him and he will be going home in a couple of weeks.


Anyway, after we stayed there a bit, we then went shopping for baby clothes which is always fun. They have such adorable things for babies, though admittedly it would have even been more fun had it been a girl. They do have cute things for boys, but man oh man...I'd go crazy buying little girl things. Maybe it was better they had a boy after all...it saved me money.


Also went to Trader Joe's and bought about 8 boxes of their frozen steel-cut oatmeal. I love that stuff and I wish we had a Trader Joe's near us so I could purchase it.  But since we don't, and I was in one, I bought quite a bit to last me a couple of weeks.  Well, I won't eat it all at once...I gotta space it out to save it. I know I could make it, and I did try and then froze it, but it just didn't work out.  And I don't want to have to get up every morning and have to make it. The frozen stuff is so much easier and I can take it to work with me...like I did this morning. 


Sunday morning we just went to Starbucks and then a little antique store and then I went home. We always have a nice time and reminisce about our Marine Corps days and life in general and I am just always happy to see her.


When I got home, this was in the mail for me:

This was the other bracelet I had ordered from a different vendor on Etsy.  It is very dainty and I like it, but I think I actually like my cuff bracelet better. Plus they sent a care-for-this-bracelet and it says to take it off every night, don't get it wet, etc etc.  Well it was something I don't want to take off, which with the cuff I don't have to.  So too many rules with this one and I probably won't adhere to them. At the moment I have both of them on, one on each wrist, and if this one turns color like the little note says, I will just take it off.


After being home a bit, I saw the dogs had no water at all (apparently I am the only one who ever notices this) so I put water in the their dish and then I went to Pet Smart and bought a huge water bowl  (and another toy... a wishbone thing they can play tug with) and then came home and filled up their bowl so they should be good a couple of days at least. Makes me nuts that no one gives them water and they do drink a lot.


Even though the weekend wasn't exactly as planned, it was still pretty good.  But I do need a weekend home and do the things that need to be done because heaven forbid no one else is going to do them...even if they did notice them, which they don't. Only I seem to.  ***sigh***

Exactly

Always have been a night person, always will be.

God's Painting

This morning when I was pulling out of our driveway to go to work, I stopped and looked over to say "bye" to Hector and Bob, and saw this (well, I made Hector and Bob get out of the way first. lol):

 I mean how could I not take pictures of God's painting?  I always wonder how people can see something like this and not believe there is a God.


Thank you God for such a beautiful sunrise this morning.

In My Heart

If only you had had faith in us.




We would have been awesome together.

In Remembrance

Yesterday I received one of two bracelets I ordered from a couple of shops in Etsy:

I like how it came out, though it doesn't have "Mom" or her birthday on it like I did for my brothers.  But I didn't want a thick bracelet for myself, I wanted a thin one like this. I'm wearing it on my right wrist (which is weird because I just usually always wear bracelets or watches on my left wrist..maybe because I am left handed?)


Anyway, I can't wait to get the second one to see which one I like better...not that it makes a difference since I can't exactly return them.  Or maybe I will eventually get something that says the same things as the guys' does. In the meantime, this is the one I'm wearing and I love it.

A Few Pictures

Thursday evening I made this dish that Sean Michael posted to my Facebook page because he said it looked good. Which is surprising as it has spinach in it, and he isn't one to eat anything green if he can help it.  It was very tasty though, if a little hard to keep that filling inside.

 Saturday  Bob-the-Bulldog up in my chair, looking out the window, probably scoping it out to see if his girlfriend (a neighbor dog that gets to roam around once in a while and usually comes over to play with Bob, especially when she is in heat.)

And Bob didn't look like he appreciated me telling him to get out of my chair:



I finally got most of my sunglasses hung back up (I still have some downstairs in my craftroom that I am glittering up...I need a third frame at this point.)

And a cute picture of Sean Michael and Schmoopette at Starbucks yesterday (I love that picture in back of them...Hector keeps saying he is going to figure out a way to steal it...never mind its about 7 feet long and at least 3 feet wide and must weight a lot)

 I love having pictures to put on here.