I was just reading an article about Patti Duke dying and how she had her family around her, and whenever I read things like this it makes me feel bad because my mom was by herself, albeit with me in the house, when she died. That Sunday morning I knew it was different; she didn't move at all but was still breathing, and people came over and prayed with her and I think said their goodbyes, but I didn't sit in there all day and sometimes I think maybe I should have, because I knew the end was near. I know I had no way of knowing when she would die, but still part of me feels guilty because I didn't want her to die alone, even though she never woke that I could tell so that she would even know she was by herself in her room. I try not to beat myself up over it, but when I read things like this and how people sit vigil over someone, well, it is a little difficult not to feel a pang of guilt that I am just not that kind of person to do that.
I just hope Mom (and God) forgive me for it.
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