I am really trying to get to 100 posts for the year before my birthday, and with this one I will have 90, which means I have 10 to go. Even though you won't really be able to tell because 2015 and 2016 are split up since I started this on my birthday last year, but just for my own mind I want to hit 100. Last year on my birthday I decided that would be my "New Year" and made resolutions, to which I have kept mostly, but did fall off the picture taking wagon. That one really wasn't such a big deal because I do take a lot of pictures anyway, just not every day like I had planned.
I know I should have had more posts on here, but considering being somewhat depressed and my mom dying, I think I did pretty well, and I hope to keep on. I like writing but when I'm not in the mood to do it or feel like I don't have anything to write about, it's kind of hard. But then I should force myself to write, because it is good practice. I would really like to write a book or two, I even have ideas of what I want to write, but for that I need to not have distractions or be interrupted and have plenty of time, all of which don't happen. When I was at Mom's that would have been a perfect time except I was so sad at what was happening I sure didn't feel like writing a book.
I'm still sad about her being gone and sometimes it doesn't take much to bring tears to eyes about it, but I suppose as time goes by I will get used to it, at least a little, and accept that she is gone. I actually had a few dreams about her and grandma the other night, and though I don't remember what they were about now, they were nice. Those are the kinds of things I should write down as soon as I wake up. Funny how some dreams you remember years later and the ones last night you don't though you know you had them.
After my grandma died in 1994 I had a couple of dreams about her and the first one she was sitting on this bench in the middle of a street and there were all kinds of people around and I asked her if she knew she was dead, to which she replied "Well of course I know I'm dead." Okay then. The second one was we in some kind of party and she and Mom were there and just chatting. I didn't bring up the dead thing then, figuring she knew.
After Nicole's accident, I dreamt that Hector and I walked into this restaurant and there was Nicole, standing by the hostess, and was like "Surprise!", and she just started chattering away. That dream gave me faith then, even though in reality she was in a nursing home and in a vegetative state that the doctors said she would never come out of. Boy were they wrong. I know I had a couple of more dreams about her, and even though she doesn't walk or talk, she at least is in a wheelchair and knows us and can get on Facebook and is in much better shape than we ever thought.
Anyway, thinking about them now I wish I had written them down in the detail at the time so I could remember. the one thing I did do though was during Nicole's time in the hospital I wrote a journal as things were happening so she could see it one day, though even now she doesn't want to, which maybe she has a point because the few times I've reread it since then, it still brings tears to my eyes remembering.
So here's to 10 more posts and another "New Year" and new resolutions, besides keeping a couple of the old ones.
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