When I was home last week, I had this very distinct feeling of just being lost. Not knowing where I belong, where I should be, where I should live. Just....lost. I don't think I've ever quite felt that way before and I didn't like it. Actually I don't like it. Because I still feel it. Even though I am home, I'm not happy here, and yet this time in California I wasn't particularly happy either. I do my day-to-day things, but I feel like I need to be somewhere else, with someone else, or maybe nobody else.
Being in Mom's house without her was hard; and to make it worse no tv or internet or even good music to listen to (though I could have listened to my IPod now that I think of it), and I didn't really get to hang out with friends much either as they have their own lives and families going on. It was just a very strange, lonely visit for me and too much time to think. After Mom died I thought I really wanted to live there, but now I'm not so sure. And I know I don't want to live here anymore.
Just....lost.....
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