Wednesday, August 31, 2016
First Summer of....
...being without my mom
...being without my grandkids
...not going to California
...not getting a tan
...working the whole time
...not buying school clothes and supplies
...being without my grandkids
...not going to California
...not getting a tan
...working the whole time
...not buying school clothes and supplies
Tuesday, August 30, 2016
Monday, August 29, 2016
Monday's Pictures
Even though it is our 22nd anniversary today, we went to dinner at The Melting Pot Saturday evening for an anniversary dinner.
All the money we spent and we still had to cook it ourselves.
The best part though was the chocolate fondue part:
And then we got free chocolate-covered strawberries:
All in all it was a pretty nice and yummy evening.
Sunday, August 28, 2016
Dislikes
Liars
Beets
"Him"
Cooking
Having to walk to and from the parking lot at work when it is really, really cold
Virginia traffic (I95, anyone?)
When baristas make my caramel macchiato incorrectly
The "f" word
The "anything goes" mentality that is so prevalent today
Beets
"Him"
Cooking
Having to walk to and from the parking lot at work when it is really, really cold
Virginia traffic (I95, anyone?)
When baristas make my caramel macchiato incorrectly
The "f" word
The "anything goes" mentality that is so prevalent today
Friday, August 26, 2016
Tuesday, August 23, 2016
Things To Smile About
1) My iced-venti-quad-upside-down-in-and-out caramel macchiato every morning
2) CaliGirl and Bob
3) "Mommy-and-me" time with Rabbit
4) Sangria
5) Godiva chocolate (ok, almost any chocolate really)
6) Scrapbooking stuff (even though I don't use it...but I do still love buying it for "someday")
7) My grandkids (well, they use to make me smile)
8) Memories from the 70s
9) Looking at old pictures
10) 70s music
2) CaliGirl and Bob
3) "Mommy-and-me" time with Rabbit
4) Sangria
5) Godiva chocolate (ok, almost any chocolate really)
6) Scrapbooking stuff (even though I don't use it...but I do still love buying it for "someday")
7) My grandkids (well, they use to make me smile)
8) Memories from the 70s
9) Looking at old pictures
10) 70s music
Monday, August 22, 2016
Monday Pictures
Every time Bob starts chewing on this, CaliGirl just has to come over and try and get it away from him. Never mind that we have two of these (granted, they are different flavors, one bacon and one peanut butter and they both seem to like this peanut butter one the best):
Saturday I picked these from my little garden:
For dinner that evening, I used some of the tomatoes on Hector's Caesar Salad with scallops:
I bought this coloring book and then finally some pens to color with:
Last but not least, some bird pictures from yesterday evening. We had hung up a hummingbird feeder and a niger-seed sock for the goldfinch next to each other and it was surprising how many birds we get at them:
Sunday, August 21, 2016
Responsiblity
I was thinking earlier today of a conversation I had with my grandson a few months ago about how you are only responsible for your own happiness and no one else's, and from the look he gave, I knew he didn't think the same.
But if, in fact, we are responsible for someone's happiness, isn't that a dangerous thing? Because what if we decide down the road that we do not want to be their friend/lover/spouse anymore? And what if they don't see it that way? What if they then do something stupid, like start drinking or doing drugs, or even hurt someone, or worse, kill someone or themselves? Does that make us responsible for the things they did because we didn't love them anymore?
I am of the firm belief that we are responsible for ourselves, and only our selves. (This, of course, is not including your children or aging parents, etc, in that genre.) But my actions are my own, and I am responsible for them; for what I say, for what I do, for where I go, for how I act. If I happen to make someone happy, then that's great. People have made me happy in my life, but they didn't have to and it wasn't their responsibility. And if they have made me sad, and there have been some, some they were responsible for by hurting me deliberately, and some it was just my own fault for believing something I wanted to believe.
By the same token, you can be responsible for someone's pain if you did it in a deliberate way, and you should own up to it. But I don't think not loving someone, even if they love you, is not. It's just one of those sad facts of life unfortunately.
So then I was thinking, does this make us responsible for our own destiny? Part of me says yes, but then part of me says no, because things can happen that are beyond our control. But then it is up to us to change it and make lemonade out of the lemons handed to us.
A lot of times responsibility can kinda suck. Having to make decisions that you might not want to make, having to go to work and make money to live day-to-day, even just trying to eat right.
Sometimes though I just get tired of being responsible...I want to be wild and free and do what I want to do without a second thought. But I guess this is what I get for being almost 60.
But if, in fact, we are responsible for someone's happiness, isn't that a dangerous thing? Because what if we decide down the road that we do not want to be their friend/lover/spouse anymore? And what if they don't see it that way? What if they then do something stupid, like start drinking or doing drugs, or even hurt someone, or worse, kill someone or themselves? Does that make us responsible for the things they did because we didn't love them anymore?
I am of the firm belief that we are responsible for ourselves, and only our selves. (This, of course, is not including your children or aging parents, etc, in that genre.) But my actions are my own, and I am responsible for them; for what I say, for what I do, for where I go, for how I act. If I happen to make someone happy, then that's great. People have made me happy in my life, but they didn't have to and it wasn't their responsibility. And if they have made me sad, and there have been some, some they were responsible for by hurting me deliberately, and some it was just my own fault for believing something I wanted to believe.
By the same token, you can be responsible for someone's pain if you did it in a deliberate way, and you should own up to it. But I don't think not loving someone, even if they love you, is not. It's just one of those sad facts of life unfortunately.
So then I was thinking, does this make us responsible for our own destiny? Part of me says yes, but then part of me says no, because things can happen that are beyond our control. But then it is up to us to change it and make lemonade out of the lemons handed to us.
A lot of times responsibility can kinda suck. Having to make decisions that you might not want to make, having to go to work and make money to live day-to-day, even just trying to eat right.
Sometimes though I just get tired of being responsible...I want to be wild and free and do what I want to do without a second thought. But I guess this is what I get for being almost 60.
Saturday, August 20, 2016
Wednesday, August 17, 2016
My Favorite Part of The Day
I finally ordered caramel sauce from Starbucks and have been making my own iced caramel macchiatos and I have to say, they're pretty darn good (and I have pictures to prove it (Anything to be able to post pictures. lol)
Now doesn't that look good enough to drink? Man I can't wait till morning...
Monday, August 15, 2016
Sunday, August 14, 2016
The Dreams We Dream
A couple of nights ago I had a dream about my mom, and we were sitting in her house and she was wondering where her stuff was. My oldest brother was there, as was Derold, and none of us told her that she had actually died and I had gotten rid of quite a lot before I decided to keep her house. However, the really weird part of the dream was the end, when Billy Bob Thornton showed up. He is not someone I ever think of or considered a favorite actor so I thought that was just really strange that he was in the dream at all. The dream ended there so I have no idea what he had to do with anything.
And then a few nights ago I had three separate dreams of being in the Sopranos. We did watch one episode a few nights before but I didn't think about it afterwards. I have always liked James Gandolfini, and my last dream was with him only and it was very short but very sweet. That one could have lasted a bit longer for me. lol
Funny the dreams we dream.
And then a few nights ago I had three separate dreams of being in the Sopranos. We did watch one episode a few nights before but I didn't think about it afterwards. I have always liked James Gandolfini, and my last dream was with him only and it was very short but very sweet. That one could have lasted a bit longer for me. lol
Funny the dreams we dream.
Saturday, August 13, 2016
Thursday, August 11, 2016
Yeah I Do
I'm not a teenager but I still wish this. Especially when I just get my hair cut and want it to look exactly how they did it.
Which?
Standing "in line" or "on line"? In line.
"Calling in" or "Calling out" to work when sick? Calling in.
"Slowing down" or "slowing up"? Slowing down.
Yeah...I have too much time on my hands sometimes....
"Calling in" or "Calling out" to work when sick? Calling in.
"Slowing down" or "slowing up"? Slowing down.
Yeah...I have too much time on my hands sometimes....
Wednesday, August 10, 2016
Wednesday's Will...
...will we ever talk again?
...will I ever see you again?
...will I ever kiss you again?
...will I ever stop missing you?
...will I ever stop loving you?
...will I ever see you again?
...will I ever kiss you again?
...will I ever stop missing you?
...will I ever stop loving you?
Tuesday, August 9, 2016
Monday Pictures
A few pictures I actually took yesterday with a real camera instead of my phone:
My sweet CaliGirl.
A bird wishing I would go away so he could eat (I put birdfood on the railing).
We put a hummingbird feeder on the back deck and immediately attracted them.
This one was waiting her turn.
I forget how much I love my camera sometimes.
Friday, August 5, 2016
Thursday, August 4, 2016
The Beginning of The End
One year ago today, I got a call from Mom's cousin Ivajeanne that Mom had been found unconscious, on the floor, and was being taken to the hospital, and that she really needed me there to take care of her. With the generosity of my CO and A, I was given permission to telework from California as long as I needed to to take care of the situation, and 2 days later I was in California.
Mom ended up staying in the hospital for a couple of weeks because of several infections in her blood and an abscess in her liver and being dehydrated, and I remember thinking then that this was the beginning of the end with her. She had lasted a longer time than they thought after being given the diagnosis of pancreatic cancer, but now it looked like it was coming to an end.
She was worried about me being there and missing work and being away from Sean Michael but I told her everything was fine (which it was) and that I was staying at least until the end of December, and after that (if she were still alive but truthfully I didn't think she would be) then we would see. I figured out that I could stay until the end of February and still get paid if need be, but as it worked out, I didn't have to.
It's hard to believe she has been gone over 8 months now. I miss her a lot more than I thought I would, which is kind of a terrible thing to say I know, but geez sometimes she drove me nuts. I guess it just goes to show you never know how you will feel about something until it happens.
I wish she were still alive but I realize parents don't live forever. And she did live until 80 which is a pretty good age, considering. And I know she is in Heaven, which is a much better place than this world for sure.
But man do I miss her and think of her when I'm watching Flea Market Flip or The Property Brothers.
Rest in peace Mom. I love you.
Mom ended up staying in the hospital for a couple of weeks because of several infections in her blood and an abscess in her liver and being dehydrated, and I remember thinking then that this was the beginning of the end with her. She had lasted a longer time than they thought after being given the diagnosis of pancreatic cancer, but now it looked like it was coming to an end.
She was worried about me being there and missing work and being away from Sean Michael but I told her everything was fine (which it was) and that I was staying at least until the end of December, and after that (if she were still alive but truthfully I didn't think she would be) then we would see. I figured out that I could stay until the end of February and still get paid if need be, but as it worked out, I didn't have to.
It's hard to believe she has been gone over 8 months now. I miss her a lot more than I thought I would, which is kind of a terrible thing to say I know, but geez sometimes she drove me nuts. I guess it just goes to show you never know how you will feel about something until it happens.
I wish she were still alive but I realize parents don't live forever. And she did live until 80 which is a pretty good age, considering. And I know she is in Heaven, which is a much better place than this world for sure.
But man do I miss her and think of her when I'm watching Flea Market Flip or The Property Brothers.
Rest in peace Mom. I love you.
Tuesday, August 2, 2016
The Dog Days of Summer
This is the time of year that they call the "dog days of summers", and as I was thinking about that I realized I really don't know why August is called that. So of course I googled it and this is what it says:
dog days. the sultry part of the summer, supposed to occur during the period that Sirius, the Dog Star, rises at the same time as the sun: now often reckoned from July 3 to August 11. a period marked by lethargy, inactivity, or indolence.
(So technically I am a day early with this. Ooops.)
"a period marked by lethargy, inactivity, or indolence"...geez that's been pretty much my WHOLE summer.
I never got my living room done, I haven't gone anywhere, I haven't even cooked very many meals.
But I don't think it has anything to do with the dog days; I'm pretty sure it is because I am depressed. I was contemplating about that on my way to work this morning, and considering what has gone on for the past few months, Mom dying and then the whole Sean Michael thing, I was trying to decide if I should make an appointment with my pcm and asking for an anti-depressant, preferably Wellbutrin (as the others cause weight gain and I certainly don't need that).
I don't like taking pills; heck I have a hard enough time just taking my Synthroid and calcium and vitamin D. So to add to those...hmmm. On the other hand I am tired of feeling like this. On the third hand though, it isn't going to bring Mom back or fix things with Sean Michael. I suppose I am just hoping it will take the edge off and I won't feel as bad. Funny this is the same advice I just gave to Beau a few days ago when he told me he was depressed but didn't want to take meds. He is much worse off than I though and could probably do with a pretty high dosage.
This isn't the first time I have been depressed and so I do recognize the symptoms; I just don't want to admit to them I guess. But I am getting to the point where I need to do something about it is useless and boring and I just don't like feeling this way. I consider myself a "functioning depressant" because I still go to work and interact with people, but once I get home, I'm in my chair watching tv and playing Bejeweled, preferring to be left alone, and that's about it. There are so many things I should do around the house (like that unfinished livingroom of mine) but don't have the gumption to do. So something needs to happen, sooner than later preferably.
This all has nothing to do with the dog days of summer, it just sort of morphed into it. And reading "a period marked by lethargy, inactivity, or indolence" , well, it describes what I am feeling, so at the moment, my life is the dog days of summer.
dog days. the sultry part of the summer, supposed to occur during the period that Sirius, the Dog Star, rises at the same time as the sun: now often reckoned from July 3 to August 11. a period marked by lethargy, inactivity, or indolence.
(So technically I am a day early with this. Ooops.)
"a period marked by lethargy, inactivity, or indolence"...geez that's been pretty much my WHOLE summer.
I never got my living room done, I haven't gone anywhere, I haven't even cooked very many meals.
But I don't think it has anything to do with the dog days; I'm pretty sure it is because I am depressed. I was contemplating about that on my way to work this morning, and considering what has gone on for the past few months, Mom dying and then the whole Sean Michael thing, I was trying to decide if I should make an appointment with my pcm and asking for an anti-depressant, preferably Wellbutrin (as the others cause weight gain and I certainly don't need that).
I don't like taking pills; heck I have a hard enough time just taking my Synthroid and calcium and vitamin D. So to add to those...hmmm. On the other hand I am tired of feeling like this. On the third hand though, it isn't going to bring Mom back or fix things with Sean Michael. I suppose I am just hoping it will take the edge off and I won't feel as bad. Funny this is the same advice I just gave to Beau a few days ago when he told me he was depressed but didn't want to take meds. He is much worse off than I though and could probably do with a pretty high dosage.
This isn't the first time I have been depressed and so I do recognize the symptoms; I just don't want to admit to them I guess. But I am getting to the point where I need to do something about it is useless and boring and I just don't like feeling this way. I consider myself a "functioning depressant" because I still go to work and interact with people, but once I get home, I'm in my chair watching tv and playing Bejeweled, preferring to be left alone, and that's about it. There are so many things I should do around the house (like that unfinished livingroom of mine) but don't have the gumption to do. So something needs to happen, sooner than later preferably.
This all has nothing to do with the dog days of summer, it just sort of morphed into it. And reading "a period marked by lethargy, inactivity, or indolence" , well, it describes what I am feeling, so at the moment, my life is the dog days of summer.
Monday, August 1, 2016
Monday Pictures
The last month of summer. Usually I love summer but this time, eh, not so much. Anyway.
The other day when I said I had deer but didn't get the picture? Apparently I did...I mean I did take one with my phone but thought they were too far away. And admittedly I didn't put my glasses on when I looked at it. So the other day I did look, glasses on, and I actually did capture them.
The other day when I said I had deer but didn't get the picture? Apparently I did...I mean I did take one with my phone but thought they were too far away. And admittedly I didn't put my glasses on when I looked at it. So the other day I did look, glasses on, and I actually did capture them.
Saturday night I made this, something I had seen on Facebook earlier in the week:
I saw these two paintings at World Market Saturday and I really liked them. I showed them to Beau, hoping he would get the hint. I'm thinking probably not.
I was browsing channels and found one called "Fido" so I clicked on it and CaliGirl was instantly mesmorized by it. Even Bob watched it for a bit but lost interest after a while.
Gotta love my puppies.
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