And I'm Here

So I made it to California again. Slept pretty much all the way since my flight went from DC to Phoenix which was really nice for a change. Got here around 11:45 and Janie met me at the airport and we picked up the rental car and my luggage and then on to Mom's (well, my house now. Janie told me I need to start calling it mine but that's easier said than done. )

Anyway, came in and turned on the AC and chatted a little, and then the cops showed up at the mobile next door.  I know they used to be meth heads and looks like maybe they still are?  We left to go do some last minute shopping so I don't know what happened with it all. Mom would have found it interesting I know.

We went to Kohls and Target for some stuff I needed, and then afterwards we went to the Peruvian restaurant Limon and had a bunch of appetizers and then a passion fruit crème brulee for dessert. The apps were really good but the brulee was amazing. Yum!! I have pics but only on my phone so I can't post them yet.

Before we went back here, we stopped at Michaels and bought coloring books and pens to take with us on our trip for when we have down time in the evening. And finally we came home and talked a bit because I wasn't really ready to be by myself yet here, but I did have her leave as it was getting dark. I took a shower and got pretty much everything ready to go for tomorrow and after church I'll just come back and change and grab my stuff and on to pick up Janie.

So now here I sit, everything is very quiet and still, and I can feel Mom, or rather the very lack of her. Night times here are very hard for me by myself; I think maybe if I had a tv it would at least distract me from the very quietness of and the lack of talking to Mom. I miss her so much and want her to come back and I know that can't happen. I honestly never thought it was going to be this hard on me. (I have to wonder how she handled moving into here after her dad and mom's deaths since they lived here until they died.)

Even after she was diagnosed and I knew it was a death sentence, I didn't think about her dying. I didn't want to. Oh sometimes we talked about it, but for the most part I didn't think about the actuality of it....like if I didn't, it would not happen. But of course deep down I knew it would and God did give us more time than the doctors ever thought, so there is that.

I guess I should just go to bed...though I'm betting the minute I lay down my brain will be wide-awake.

Mom, I miss you.